No divorce is the same, and therefore everything that accompanies or follows it after the divorce will not be the same. Life after divorce is completely different, and every divorce is difficult. What they all have in common is that it hurts in many ways and takes time to pass. Life After Divorce Will Never Be The Same
After Divorce, You Should Recover First
After each divorce, it takes time to recover, and if the children are there, then it is a very sensitive and difficult path. Difficult for any normal parent who wants the best for their child. It will take a lot of time for you and the children to recover, and the question is how much recovery you can devote to. It will take a lot of strength.
What no one will tell you about divorce is that it will be even harder for you to educate your children and that you will have your hands full. One reason is that you’ll only be able to be responsible for yourself and your part of upbringing after the divorce, and you won’t be affected by everything else.
I always remember an acquaintance who told me (she was already divorced) not to forget to eat, sleep, rest and love myself. I’m not sure I understood it then, because the divorce was only at the beginning, but the number of times I remembered it later, was high. She knew what she was talking about because she had already gone through a divorce with her two children. Later, I realized that what she went through was just a mild version of what was waiting for me around the corner.
If Divorce Is Imminent, Forget The Excuses
When you realize that divorce is the best solution, it’s a mistake to have excuses and wait. And what you need to know is that divorce is sometimes just the beginning. There are people (my ex-husband, unfortunately) who get divorced but never emotionally heal. He remained stuck in the past, desperate because that happens to him and full of anger towards me.
He is an avenger who still plays the victim to this day and who, although he has a new relationship, hasn’t moved on with his life. This is important to know because if the person you divorce is like this, your life will be much more difficult as he will try to annoy you in many different ways. Most often through children, that he will use mercilessly without choosing resources to take revenge. This is difficult too, but you’ll survive it. I have no clue how…
More than once, it was precisely these manipulations of our children that made me wonder if it was necessary to divorce and expose the children to a field where they wouldn’t have my protection. I realized it was stupid to ask something like that, and then I did my best to protect the children through institutions. This was not easy either, but it was imperative for me. Nothing in this world should be an excuse to pursue a marriage that is dead and terrible for you, and especially for children. Do not let that feeling of the end that you will wake up to every morning, and that cramp in your stomach be outweighed by anyone.
Life After Divorce Is Starting Day By Day
Remember that after your divorce, you’re suffering from your sorrows, living step by step and day after day. Believe that the day will come when you will realize that you are slowly having a life again. In the meantime, believe in it, be gentle/tender and sensitive to yourself. Also be like that to everyone around you, and especially to your angels, who will be grateful to you for every smile, touch on your tenderness and warmth.
There will be days when you will feel incapable of doing anything, you will cry over little, unimportant things. But there will also be those days when even Superman would envy you and you’d be as strong as steel. So he accepts all his post-divorce stages as normal and rolls his dice day after day. It will take most of your time to forgive yourself, the wrong choices, waiting, suffering in the past… You won’t be able to believe that you’ve allowed yourself to suffer for years by lowering all possible standards of living.
You won’t even need an army of people to surround you, you won’t even have it. But you won’t be able to do it alone. My greatest salvation was my “good spirits” – my mother, sisters, nephew, niece, a few friends … https://single-moms-way.com/good-spirits
Life After Divorce Can Mean Some Of The Following:
BAD OR NOT SO GOOD SIDES OF DIVORCE
- Kids may choose a side, that is the hardest moment that no one will tell you and you will not be ready, but you will survive. https://single-moms-way.com/children-in-divorce-often-choose-side-and-you-survive/
- You will not always be able to see your children, but you will learn to enjoy every moment spent with them.
- You will no longer be a family, you will be a separated family, and often your decisions about children will be deliberately mined, so be wise.
- It will be difficult not to speak against your ex-spouse in front of your children but learn, put water in your mouth and be quiet, at all costs. Allow the children to see some things for themselves.
- Sometimes children will use your divorce, they may make nonsense, test your boundaries, and your patience. So give them a whole sea of love, attention, and teach them by example, every day …
- Individuals will judge you, especially if they are attached to the other side and that’s okay, it’s none of your business.
- Reconcile that some people will not understand you and understand that this is okay too.
- Forget about some mutual friends. Be prepared that in your confusion they will whimper and move away from you. Forgive them and forget them.
- Some people will think that you are alone, vulnerable and unprotected, so they may try to abuse you in some way. Don’t give up, and be ready for that.
- Forgive yourself and others everything you have to forgive and understand that it’s a process and that it is for your good.
GOOD OR NOT THAT BAD SIDES OF DIVORCE
- Life after divorce will continue step by step and day by day. You will have the opportunity to shape it yourself.
- You will learn to devote to yourself every other weekend when your children are with your ex-spouse. It’ll take you a while to figure this out. You’ll understand.
- Mother-in-law from the nightmare that you don’t have to see and hear again. Sometimes that’s enough to make you happy.
- You will pass the hate phase and get on the path of forgiveness.
- You will have peace in your 4 walls, it has no price. It will be a new experience for you and the children, after the unrest, quarrel, noise …
- You’ll have 2 sides of the bed for yourself, spread out.
- What’s great is that you’ll learn that it’s better to be alone than with someone just because you have to…
- You will make decisions about everything in your life, so think carefully about what they are. Don’t let anyone interfere with your life.
- Learn to devote to yourself more often (because sometimes you will have time and you won’t know that you need to give it to yourself).
- You will finally be able to go forward because you won’t have someone to slow you down.
- Remember that life is to grow, to nourish the soul, and to live for yourself.
- And perhaps most importantly, you will never be the same again. It’s good because you will be more persistent in your life, you’ll know what you want, and what your needs are. Even in other areas of life. In a word, you will empower.
- If you’re lucky, you’ll learn to look forward to the little things.
- You will realize that you are the only one that’s meritorious for your happiness, but also responsible for it. No one else but you.
- At some point, you’ll be surprised by your independence and strength. You will trust yourself more and you will love yourself more.
- If you are lucky, you will learn to say NO, I WILL NOT, I CAN’T, I DON’T WANT TO. And then you will be reborn.
Marriage Should Be Built Together
It’s not easy to divorce and organize your life after a divorce. And it is no consolation that this is a “time of divorce” when half of the marriages fail. Many people get married too fast, thinking that nothing bad will happen to them. These are times of minimal understanding among people, which means that we have failed somewhere. There are fewer and fewer people who are ready to build a life, even marriage, dedicated, with heart and soul. Marriage is inevitable to be built with all available resources, daily, so it could function.
But you can’t build it alone. I remember sometimes feeling like I had three children because my ex-husband acted like a child … and incapacitated. When you go through a divorce, whatever it may be, there will come a moment where you will realize that it was worth it. You will wonder why you suffered so much and waited for so long… You will only blame it on yourself. Remember. And then you will feel a new strength and realize that behind you may be the most important victory. It’s defeating yourself …
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